Kohava Ray
5.15-6.15,2015
5.15
I will start this project.
5.16
Stickers I happened to see.
5.17
A word from a Japanese card set "Anpanman. I flipped it without any intension. The word says, "Baikinman who never give up."
5.18
I remembered what I was told by my spiritual councilor. "You are one of those 5% in the world who can change themselves to the better."
5.19
Good and Bad
5.20
I felt sadness, hatred, anger, disappointment, frustration. They overwhelmed me. The picture expressed it as my black part. Beneath it, this is where my resistance exists. I put the purifying words to my heart: salt and carrot. Salt is a symbol of purification. Carrot is actually cleansing my skin.
5.21
Frustration popped up. They are the dark dots. I hoped they ascended to the power of mercy so that they would melt.
5.22
The day I met Liz☆Sally who was my spiritual councilor. She has a star mark in her name. I was thinking to use a star in my name, too but a six-pointed one. So this day, it was a meeting of two stars: pentagon and a Star of David.
5.23
I went to Iwashimizu-Hachimangu Shrine to pray for Sakaki Tree. I felt magical power.
5.24
Lucky coin which represents treasure. I got it at Katano Ten Shrine near my house.
5.25
Maybe it was raining.
5.29
Still in the darkness, but also glanced at a ray of hope.
5.30
"Hoshi no Blanco “which is a suspension bridge and nature in the mountain of Katano city. Hoshino Blanco means Star Swing.
5.31
I picked up a card from the set of Anpanman. It's second time."Chikurin chikurin to toge de sasu."
6.1
I had up and down feeling. It's the first day of my period, too.
6.2
I had my hair cut at beauty salon and did face shaving at Gokuraku-yu.
6.3
I met two of my friends. We went to Bal, a Spanish bar. The black beer was delicious.
6.4
I thought I did good job for the water color works.
6.5
I felt really depressed but also sublimated the feeling into a pretty good work of art. The flower shows the result of the sublimation. "Sublimation" is "Shoka in Japanese.”Sho" means "rise.”Ka" means "Hana", a flower.
5.26
Gokurakuyu, or public bath near my house. I was there from the evening to the night.
5.27
I painted Rafflesia.
5.28
All day... dark feeling dominated me. After the climax, it gradually went toward the end.
6.6
My mother and I went to a public bath. The sauna's temperature was 90oC. I felt really good after that.
6.7
From an illustration by Maria Sybira. I was reading her biography. The book has excellent illustration done by her, too.
6.8
I especially thought about my husband and my son. Each one has Kanji except Thomas, so I put a kanji meaning twins because Thomas means “twins”.
6.9
I felt the joy of talking with my students in English lessons.
6.10
I had a chance to talk with Rosemary-san who told me about lots of things. She also said each of us had a guardian angel and they also talked to each other. Today’s meeting was in a coffee shop.
6.11
I was very happy to see a TV program featuring the evolution of life on earth. I felt warmth in my heart. I thought that it was an extreme joy to give birth to my son Aron Toraji.
6.12
I painted a fish again and again to get better colors. This result seems to show the unstable feeling and not complete satisfaction of the artist. The artist is me.
6.13
I went to Oyamazaki Art Museum to see ceramics. Most are simple and beautiful.
6.14
When I meditated, the name of Ahura-Mazda came up to me. I felt that it was another guardian besides Fudo.
6.15
I went to Katano Tenjinja for purifying. It is said that crossing under the plant called Chinowa can purify ones soul on a certain day of June. I reassured myself that I should continue to check my emotional status so that I could continuously shift from negative to positive. I want to believe that if I keep being positive and having a non-victim mind set I will naturally become positive. It will become the dominant part of my nature.
6.16-7.15,2015
June 16
I was telling my family how we could improve human relationships. Im not sure they were listening.
June 17
Aron Toraji Hedberg
June 18
Thomas Gerard Hedberg
June 19
Just 5 months ago, I left for Japan (1.19). I am determined to keep a stable mind, and not be depressed too much. I know I will be in the US someday. Each day in Japan is precious.
June 20
I met Mako and Mitchan in Osaka. We don’t see each other often so meeting my brother and his wife is very important to uniting our bond.
June 21
It is the day of the summer solstice, when the sun reaches its highest point in the sky at midday. I thought about the sun and appreciated its mercy. At the same time a depressed feeling began to dominate me.
June 22
NOHOPE. NO advancement for my visa. I felt I was kicked out from all hope I could think of. I thought I’d never meet my husband and son again. I cried heavily. At the same time, I felt a great amount of energy which could be the seed of creativity. That’s why in my picture there are shining particles sprinkled over the dark matter. The purple color also suggests how the dark situation can be inspirational.
June 23
My feeling is still dark but I’m making an effort to redirect my emotion. I might be playful too.
June 24
Two pieces of artwork shot out from the seeds which had been sprinkled last two days. A picture of mother and her baby. Today’s diary shows a baby which looks like an alien. It is from an odd statue from Cyprus.
June 25
An annoying depressed feeling sporadically occurred.
June 26
I taught Ana and Aron how to cook via skype (potatoes and beans). It was raining in Japan in the morning. It was sunny in the US in the evening.
June 27
I followed the instruction to meet my unconscious mind. It was written in a book titled: “Brain Power”. The yellow figure must be the prominent one. In my meditation, he appeared near the river along which there were abundant grasses and flowers sprinkled with dew.
June 28
On the way home from Katano Ten Shrine, I was walking and enjoying looking at the clouds and mountains ahead of me
June 29
I went to Hirakata Central Library to borrow dozens of books. I was also happy to skype with my husband and son.
June 30
On the way to Katano Ten Shrine, I found a butterfly on the road. I hoped she was still alive, but she wasn’t. But she seemed to be uncomfortable on the coldness of concrete road. I picked up and brought her down on the soil filled with dead leaves in the shrine. I didn’t want her to be crashed by anything. I also believed that she should be returned to the soil.
That night, while I was doing meditation, I surely saw the butterfly flying over me. I was laying down the deepest part of my subconsciousness. The butterfly flew over me saying, “Thank you, thank you.” So the picture shows a half part of the butterfly and the gate of the shrine. The spiral shows the traces of me falling to the bottom.
7.1
Summer purification at Katano Shrine
To join the purification ceremony, I went to the shrine. I took a different route there walking through the park. A middle sized pond is there and I saw some living things. I was impressed by them more than before. They were so different from us! It was a comfortable shock to me. They were carps, striders, turtles who were enjoying being basked in the sun. I called "Turtle!" (Kame in Japanese) then felt one of them greeted me. While I was standing, carps got together under me (I was standing on a bridge). They might have thought I was the one who always fed them. So today was the day I appreciated the existence of lives and today's picture is a kanji meaning, "life”.
7.2
The mountain shows a surge of my feeling. Depression and hopelessness had accumulated to become like a mountain. So it means I don't always feel the most darkness but the feeling fluctuates. It is raining heavily since this morning for the rainy season. I hoped the rain would purify me to get rid of my ongoing worries.
7.3
My husband and my son went to his friend's relative’s house. Honestly, I feel extremely lonely. However, thinking about how they were happy to experience various things I was not able to offer. I told myself to appreciate everything and that is the only thing I should do under this situation. My 8 year old son is growing and experiencing various things which should be appreciated.
7.4
The pink balloon is love. It holds and elevates everyone and anyone; who is happy, suffering, frustrating, cursing, being filled with an anger, etc. Everyone is in love.
7.5
Art work by Jean Michel Basquiat and Kohava Chika → Kohava Ray.
7.6
I meditated and went into the world of total serenity and stayed there.
7.7
I went to Tanabata Festival at Katano Ten Shrine and enjoyed music and dance. They offered us Konpeito-sugared candies, confeito- already purified.
7.8
Definition of collage: I enjoy collage and thought this must be my medium. I had to pursue it. Los of ideas popped up in me. I think I'm visually sensitive. Various shapes and forms have been inspiring me. I must read more books, which I believe is useful to nurture the sensitivity and to acquire more interesting ideas.
7.9
This day...not good, not bad, but not the best... I was a little bit disappointed in my teaching today because I was not able to inspire the students enough for them to talk joyfully. I just stared at an electric fan to get coolness. The color strings are imaginary ones which express the cool wind.
7.10
The sky I saw at Gokurakuyu public bath. There is a small space slightly upper than the floor there. The space has some tatami mats where I can lay down. It was still a rainy season but it was sunny today. I saw a blue sky white clouds and shining particles, too. I thought it was illusion at the beginning. But they seemed not for they were still there even after I rubbed my eyes, and repeated open-close eyes many times.
7.11
I was telling to my brother that he had a good body, four limbs, and no inherent defect-"able-bodied", so he had to appreciate the facts. He was complaining something... The body in the picture has a red heart, from there the heart beat emits frequency. With the heart, you can create your life in endless possible ways, so I expressed the variation by rainbow color.
7.12
My mother and I went to Yawata Shrine. On the way there, she told about a man who owned Udon noodle shop at home. It was a documentary. To keep his health, he made a rule for him to go up 1300 stairs every day. My mother didn't know if he did it for one way or round trip, but any case, it was amazing if you think that he is in his 70s. So when we arrived at the foot of the hill, facing the stairs to go up, my mother started to count the number while she was walking up. It was about 660. The picture on this day shows the richness of greens on both sides of the stairs and lovely singing of cicadas in letters.
7.13
I painted this after the meditation. I used Michael Sealy's SOULMATE for guidance. I was also disappointed that art works I did recently were not really good. I felt my intension of making the best one, or the attractive one by myself. It's annoying to me, too. Sometimes the works without any intension of aiming for good can be the best.
7.14
First day of my period, maybe I don't feel the best, especially having known that my husband left for Harvard to see Pluto with our son and his longtime friend who is now taking care of my son. I know this is selfish idea of me not to think the two adults for a trip is safer and better. It's a long way to go. I don't behave any more like crazy, but I cannot deny that I still had tension in me because I can't stay with my son in this special occasion. SO I copied a mother and a child portrait from a religious book.
7.15
I went to Hiuga Daijingu (great shrine). It was sunny and I was very happy to see Amaterasu sacred place as well as Ise Shrine spot on top of a hill. I went through twice the tunnel of heaven too. Cicadas are singing, green leaves, white clouds. I picked up stone for my family.
So today's picture shows the design of the stone, the entrance of the tunnel and the universe I believe existing inside.
7.16-8.14, 2015
7.16
I painted leftover water color and put girlish 100 yen stickers for today's picture diary after I made one small size art piece. It shows a woman in the middle with a costume which I want to put on someday.
This day, my husband and my son went to Harvard to see Pluto. His friend went, too. I was very depressed because he never tried to contact me from there. If I were him, I would defitely care about my wife. I didn't know where to put away this feeling. Then I thought I wanted to sublimate it into my visual image.
7.17
When I had to say bye-bye to Toraji, I said "I love you more than galaxy." He said, "No, Hashem is galaxy and universe, well actually Hashem is everywhere." I have learned it, too. So today's picture is the word, Ubiquitous in Japanese and in English.
7.18
I went to Hirakata Library. On the way to and back home, I saw rice plants growing in bright vivid colors. We have lots of rain these days. But I have not heard froggies like before.
7.19
At the library, I borrowed HundretWasser. I am attracted to some of his styles and take it into my art as one inspiration.
7.20
Hundert Wasser. I like the ecological living system.
7.21
I had terrible experiences of being thrown a fierce look by my father and my husband giving me a very tight schedule as for our son's passport renewal. Thanks to spiritual guidance I've been listening, I was able to hold my sanity. So I put Buddha's face on a skull.
7.22
Aron Toraji Hedberg, my dearest son
7.23
Thomas Gerard Hedberg, my dearest husband
7.24
First time in a while, I was in the complete darkness. I felt I was at deadend and couldn't breathe. I drew a circle in the darkness because I believed all ends well, which in Japanese we say, "Maruku Osamaru". Maruku means in a circular way. Osamaru means finish. Inside the perfection is a sky I saw at public bath while I was laying down on tatami mats. The sky I was seeing had glitterings and also some reddish parts. The curved line in the today's picture expressed the energy I am supposed to hold but have not noticed it fully.
7.25
Terrible, miserable, depressed feeling. Big drop of tears, I still believed that each drop has the seed of sublimation. One of them is an earring I bought recently. Also, there is a hope that I will be a shining pretty, unique, and happy woman.
7.26
Surge of frustration. Even I felt peaceful once but most of the times I felt completely opposite. But still there are layers of particles of hope.
7.27
This day, I felt the importance of communication. That's why I put the definition from a dictionary.
Communication: the activity of process of expressing ideas and feelings or giving people information.
I also like the idea of these:
a. transmission of information by gesture, sound, and smell between the individuals
b. transmission of substances between the cells.
We communicate each other in all levels; physically, mentally, and spiritually.
7.28
I truly appreciated my computer so I did the portrait. Skype with my husband, my son, English teaching, e-mails, reserving hotels, getting information, online shopping etc. This is a MUST tool.
7.29
I heard and saw a thunder and lightning first time in a while. That time, I was outside and went into a shopping mall (TOP Center) to get cheese and sweet sake. I was waiting in a store until it stopped raining. Luckily, there were chairs, so I sat down to read a book for about half an hour to go home.
7.30
On the way to public bath, I was thinking a lot and thought appreciation for the things seemingly "bad". Thanks to them, I got to know the necessity of self-empowerment, expanding, growing, and sublimation. So today's picture is the word appreciation in Japanese.
7.31
On this day, I thought about me going back and forth between higher mind and depressed, negative, hopeless me. The two arrows show that mental unstableness but still trying to reach higher mind. I never thought about giving up. At the bottom, jewels and pebbles and positivity and negativity are mixed. Objectively, I probably am in the darkness less than before.
8.1
I went to Toji for "Dainanya-e". After about half an hour, dozens of monks chanted Hannya Shingyo. After the chanting, a few monks walked around us and touched each one's head with the holy book and each one touched it while they were chanting. I also prayed for Fudo, too. The picture of this day is Fudo from my painting.
8.2
Heat wave... The temperature in my room is 38-39C, same as hot water in the bathtub and almost same as sauna... There have been warnings of heat injury day after day.
8.3
The day before my husband and my son come. I cleaned up and saw everything returned to its own place, which made me feel very good. The picture describes such keeping everything in order.
8.4
14:55 is estimated arrival time. Tommy and Aron have come to Japan! Fortunately, they came out from the exit around 14:30 the time I was there already at KIX. I will never forget this excitement and the happiest moment.
8.5
We stayed at a hotel in Kyoto (Tozankaku). We enjoyed public bath (Onsen). The next day, we went to see ancient artifacts in Kyoto National Museum. Today's picture shows the red color of the building representing the fire for making earthenware, the photo(flame) of the earthware and the color of the sky expresses humidity and heat on this day.
8.6
My husband went to Osaka consulate to meet an officer for my visa. One big step to solve the visa problem. The spiral starts from Sep. 24 2005 when he first contacted me. The other end of spiral has a date of this day 8.6. 2015. The reason why I drew a spiral is that I wanted to express my improvement mentally and spiritually every time I experience something. So the spiral is always going upward to reach a higher mindset. The color shows various experiences. I have become tougher and more powerful. The frame is orange because I know there are good things over there, but I have not reached it yet. The top of the spiral is gold on orange. From 8.6.2015 to the very top there is no color for it's me who will create the road to get there.
8.7
Tommy went Business Trip to China. Toraji and I went to see him off to the station. The suitcase has prayer for him. We wish you have safety in travel to China. Toraji and Chika
8.8
We went to Nara. Toraji enjoyed Daibutsu and especially the deer very much. The deer in Nara park are released to walk around freely.
8.9
Today is the day we met Mako and Mitchan. It was a first time in 8 years for Toraji. It was great but we missed two people, Daddy and Hide. So I expressed each of them in a circle. Six pointed star is daddy and two means Hide for his name in Kanji has two moons. As for daddy, that is a Star of David. Adding the two, the circle, symbol of perfection completes as well as the universe complete, too. The circle is black because it includes all outside circles and outside the universe, there must be infinity we are eager to see. We might already know them somewhere in this world. With the limited colors I use, it's totally impossible to express the "thing" beyond words. But still I want to try.
8.10
Tommy came back from China. It's around 14:00. He was sweating a lot! The picture is a word he said first at the entrance, “Tadaima” or I'm home! After he took a break, we went to Kuzuha Mall to enjoy window shopping as well as games.
8.11
We talked with Liz san. Toraji enjoyed drawing. We had an interesting spiritual chat; religion, Judaism etc. The picture shows every interaction in the vast expanding universe.
8.12
Very First time, Toraji and I went to the museum by only ourselves. It was in Nakanoshima, Osaka. Today's picture shows the entrance of the museum.
8.13
The day for Tommy and Aron returning to the US. Air Canada 1951 from US to Japan, Air Canada 1952 from Japan to US.
8.14
I felt the necessity for everything again. In the middle of a thing, you may not notice that it is also essential part of the whole. The word message is interesting because the definition will be understood based on each one's own experience. The more we have wider understanding, the more our lives are interesting.
8.15-9.13,2015
8.15
Monthly event at Yawata Shrine. With my mother I bicycled to a cable car station to go to the top of the mountain. We watched for a while the priest did a ritual in a most sacred place of the shrine building. The picture shows a part of the clothes the priest, an amulet, and Sakaki tree, or a sacred tree. I always feel something when I face and touch it and am filled with appreciation.
8.16
I drive out the evil spirits yesterday, so I am refreshed and motivated more to work harder. The picture is me!
8.17
Today I felt that I wanted to have a break though I decided to continue my picture diary. It is now my habit. So the picture shows both of them; the flow of the water represents the routine and the lotus flower expresses the breakthrough.
8.18
The situation around me has not changed very much and it is quite frustrating. But I feel I will be able to do many more things. I want to do them with joy. I will get the candy which is offered me now, enjoy it while I can.
8.19
The day I met Nanako at Indian restaurant. It was delicious. The picture shows one of the Indian gods, Ganesha.
8.20
8 months has passed since I arrived in Japan. It's too long for a mother to be away from her child. But, I truly appreciate that I got to know more spiritual learning, listening to the physics of the universe, acquiring the knowledge of empowering myself, moreover the way how to deal with the situation when you feel completely at the end of the world, without any hint of hope.
On this day I drew out my 10 year diary book. It expresses one slight hope in yellow and normal stable life in blue. Compared to the same day last year, according to my writing, I was full of anger and frustration.
This is my second 10 year diary, which started from 2014. Although I heard everything exists now, there is only one time, “Now". I am not aware of it, which is a good thing so that I will enjoy the process of "experience." I believe it. So, I leave the space from 2016-2023, instead of adding bright shining colors in hope of satisfaction fully of the future. I can create my life like one piece of my art work. The color white is more inspirational and stimulating.
8.21
The library was closed. Thinking about the word, "rest", I feel it is necessary for those who are active. I am also attracted to the meaning of "rest" written in Japanese. I use the kanji for today's picture.
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Rest-#3 a silkworm stops eating mulberry and stop the movement before the molt
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Molt-#2 progress(improve) after getting out of old idea and habits
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I can confidently say that the days in Japan are a gift for me to molt toward the next stage. Thank You All!
8.22
I often go to the library. Today, I borrowed Indian Art. One painting is "Krishna". I liked it and I put it into today's picture.
8.23
I thought "Money circulates among people." Some people say that the more you use money, the more you get it. I wonder if it's true. The picture shows US$10. The man is Alexander Hamilton who is from Jamaica. I chose it because it is used most, I think.
8.24
Again, I paid attention to money. One reason is that I was so depressed by my savings at the bank. I want my life be the one with no waste. Some people say if you raise your frequency, money must flow into you... I want to believe it! The picture is Hideyo Noguchi, 1000 Japanese yen.
8.25
Typhoon 15. Strong wind and torrential rain. I borrowed the picture from the Internet explaining the composition of typhoon.
8.26
I remembered Tommy always loved to eat Garigari-kun, an ice candy in Japan. It is cheap and delicious. I was going to get soda taste, but instead I took grape fruits for I wanted to try different one. Eating ice candy and walking reminds me my dearest husband and my son.
8.27
It has to be PMS, premenstrual syndrome.I felt darkness. I couldn't stand anymore of this situation of being away from my husband and my son. The idea of no hope dominated me again. So I asked help for Miroku Bosatsu.
8.28
Skype with Toraji. He is my shining star.
8.29
Tommy, my dearest handsome genius husband.
8.30
Front page of morning newspaper of this day.
8.31
I read an article writing about the goodness of 30 minutes walking everyday being especially good for your brain. I sit all day every day but also am well aware of the importance of refreshing myself. So I made a decision to have a new habit of walking. So I drew a pair of sneakers.
9.1
New month. I want to advance with new spirit. I want to start something. I have not been able to do so. According to Bashar, in fact, there is only one time, but to make us understand easier, time is separated into past, present, future, There are the things that have already happened or things that are supposed to happen. If you want them to happen, just activate them. You have it in your power. So today's picture says, "Act" in Japanese.
9.2
I met Chi-chan today. We had lunch together. Next year, it will be 40th anniversary of our friendship. Before it comes, I wanted to write down the list of our similarities and differences. Maybe it will reveal the secret of our long relationship. They are Birth year, Chinese year, Horoscope, Siblings, Parents, Children, and Future Jobs. Each of us has our own hopes.
9.3
Public bath. Rain over the outside baths There are rocks on the edge of the tub and water marks on the surface of the water caused by the rain.
9.4
I went to Thai Restaurant in Kyoto with my mother. Green curry was delicious. On the way home, I bought instant green curry box to cook it again at home. The picture shows green curry inside a cup. The cup was ancient (8-9c) I saw one at a museum. Then Thai language, then another picture on top. I saw it at the same museum, too. (Kyoto National Museum)
9.5
I bought a nice bag pack. I love the colors; orange and pink. The picture shows dragonflies, too. I saw a lot of them on the way to shopping mall and yesterday over the river in Kyoto.
9.6
Toraji sent me a Skype message using face pictures. Besides these faces, he also sent me Ninja pictures.
9.7
It's good to see same TV program every week. I can feel the day clearly. It doesn't have to be TV program. If it is possible, it'll be great if I can go to restaurant every Friday night, art class on Saturday morning, swimming on Sunday afternoon etc.
9.8
I tried Pho again. I want to make delicious Pho by the time I go to America. I've already drawn ethnic food so today I'd like to play with the sound.
Pho ga- Pho soup seasoning
Moga- Modern Girl
Koga
Doga
Toga
Soga
Roga
Zoga
9.9
Skype with Tora. He wore white no sleeve shirt and white and black pants. I remember it. On the way to Kuzuha, I saw 3 people in white and black shirts. The lines were thinner than my drawing.
9.10
Kuriki Tatsusuke exhibition. It's interesting that the objects had names even though they were abstract forms. The material was ceramic. I like its hard surface combined with many organic curved lines.
9.11
I always feel being annoyed by someone. Ideally, I hope each of us says something right, discuss the issue face to face with respect. At least even superficially, show politeness. I can't help thinking this is Karma I have to resolve in this life. The image today is the protection from evil spirit.
9.12
Fushimi Momoyama, a town of Sake. I like some parts of this town designed to match its history.
9.13
The speed of consciousness. 34.7 billion miles per hour.
9.14-10.13,2015
9.14
One part of this day's evening News Paper
9.15
I had absolute joy to create book marks by using Japanese traditional design and fruits. I loved coloring them.
9.16
Wednesdays are the days when I enjoy Sake. I borrowed a book called "Ichiji-Senkin - Enjoy high quality calligraphy" Before this day, the design of the picture diary is colorful so I thought monotone might be better for this day. This black doesn't mean the darkness of my mind, but it represents the focus, the strength, the confidence, and the solitude and absorbs all other colors to make it into absolute energy.
9.17
I quarreled with my mother, feeling bad air has filled this small home. Once you go outside, you find a neutral world and you can be creative and actually create yourself.
9.18
Self-Portrait, done in July,2014. At that time, I wrote that I was happy to do art constantly. Drawing this face, I wished to regain the satisfaction as well as seeing things from different point of view, which led me to draw the profile.
9.19
Skype time with my son was shorter than usual. I really missed him. I choose an image of a statue of mother and a child for today. She holds her son like I did when Tora was a baby.
9.20
I thought it was very fortunate that I could use all time 100% for myself. I will surely be happy to spend time with my husband and my son in the future. I believe in "Like attracts a like." Let me accept this moment to moment with joy, enhance my vibration and have 100% appreciation and joy continuously.
9.21
Some trouble in Skype. The lessons after 20:00 were canceled. I panicked at the beginning and then spent time for the recovery. After that I did art. For this day, I wrote a definition of art from a dictionary since I completed to color the picture of Sep.19 and felt I approached one step closer to art. I like this red and white stripe for the background. It's eye pulling. "Geijutu no Aki" sounds also refreshing, too.
9.22
From Tadanori Yokoo
He won the World Cultural Award this year. The morning newspaper has a column about the people who got the awards. Reading his biography, the way he makes art attracts me a lot. Some are same ideas. I want to establish myself as artist like him. So, I copied a part of his art.
9.23
Autumn Equinox day
I am thinking to go to the cemetery to pray for our ancestors. I bought a bouquet for them, I sketched those flowers.
9.24
It has been 10 years since Tommy gave me a first e-mail. 9.24.2015 is our 10th anniversary. The heart has 10 layers. It must have been the destiny and it can be a golden opportunity to expand myself. So, the first heart is colored in gold. The heart is expanding even we have trial and error, I believe, the direction is right. Outside the heart is the darkness. But we embrace it rather than being swallowed by it. The darkness in the background makes the heart shine even more.
9.25
Today, I went to Ofuro first time in a while, did art, and then English teaching. It was total happiness under this situation. Peace. The picture of the 19th came down to this day, so I make 25th as a holiday.
9.26
From a calligraphy book. I copied the one I liked. The artist is Mr. Ishi.
9.27
Fragrance of autumn. Rice and fragrant olive.
9.28
Super Moon. We had a big moon on the 27th Sep, too.
9.29
Awakening (Kanji).
The process is slow, but I totally believe that I am heading to Awakening so no worries. After the supermoon, the new Jewish year, and about one month before of my birthday (46) when I will step forward to the latter half of my life. I am experiencing a paradigm shift. I also wrote 6 pages in my spiritual diary.
9.30
Sirian Sacred Circuitry. 1 min, for each one. 15 items. Rewire your brain circuit.
10.1
New Month has come again. This month is one month before my birthday. I felt more ambitious. I'll be 46. At the age of 45, it was a turning point of my life. Until now, I had been preparing, but from now, I'll taste the meal which had been cooked for the first half of my life. So the picture for this day is a soup bowl.
10.2
It's very comfortable, easy for me to live from the end of Sep. I feel so much happiness. At the same time, I felt affection toward colorful refreshing autumn, severe coldness of the winter, ambient of spring, and summer like inferno. This day, I read a story from Andersen. I picked up one of the pictures to represent the four seasons.
10.3
I went to the public bath. The price was discounted because of my birth date, 3. I stayed there for 2 hours. Someday, I want to go to Spa. The bath tub had red roses.
10.4
This day, I used Modern Girl design book. It's probably from Taisho era of Japan. I choose repetition of rabbits because of the super moon Smoon).
10.5
Skype with daddy and Aron.
10.6
The faces are copied from a photo taken in Nara August 2015.
10.7
It's a suitcase I saw in Kuzuha Mall, Innovator. The black color and embossing of a crossed mark is really cool. I'd like to check it again after I decide if it's useful. The bird behind the suitcase is a phoenix from a Japanese design book.
10.8
After the public bath, I had some oranges and juice called Shikuwasa. They were very delicious. The background is a Japanese traditional design.
10.9
"The Tree of Life" from Kabara. I'd like to learn it seriously someday.
10.10
Full of cosmos flowers outside.
10.11
Yawata Shrine with my mother. We took a different path than usual. At the shrine, I saw a small sakaki branch with some fruits. The picture shows the sacred branch and a sunset which was overwhelmingly beautiful.
10.12
I copied one part from a book titled: "Animals in Translation:Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior." It talks about the similarity between humans and wolves. It also says that humans learned from wolves and one of the reasons why primitive people survived was because of what they learned from the wolves and dogs. "Neanderthals...didn't have dogs."
10.13
I thought I was lucky at Sakaguchi Clinic. Usually they offered the date of the surgery a few months later after the appointment. But there was a cancelation, so it turned out that I was able to have the surgery on the 16th of Oct. It's just 3 days later.
10.14-11.12-2015
10.14
Museum with my mother. "Cleopatra and the Queens of Egypt". I had a pair free ticket. The picture is the queen of Akhenaten. She was said to be the 3rd mother queen who was loved by her husband, supported the kingdom and had great power. I want to be like her!
10.15
I try to think enough patience even I don't see any result, any improvement, as a great opportunity to shift to the next phase.
10.16
I had a surgery. The doctor got rid of a lipoma from my right side, near under the breast. The diameter is about 5 cm. I was lucky and I feel protected. If I didn't do this, it'd surely have been worse and very difficult to deal with. The picture shows the surgery lamp.
10.17
I went to Ashihara Clinic. I thought about Toraji. A mother and a child from a picture of statue of mother goddess, Cypros.
10.18
I retrieved my femininity as my period started again after taking no-hormone pills.
10.19
Tommy sent a photo when he was in New Hampshire. On top of the mountain had snow and it looked like colored leaves was about to end. It must be pretty cold since the latitude is higher than Hokkaido.
10.20
I couldn't reach my husband. I got panicked. I left so many crying and angry messages. The telephone looked like so much haunted. I even wanted to break the phone. The phone to me was like a ghost which easily disappear, and I reached my hand in vain.
10.21
I went to Toji Temple to purify myself. I feel awe, but I decided to open the white envelope to see Fudo and drew him.
10.22
Hanya Shinkyo sutra
10.23
I got an inspiration. It said not to complain to a woman who has been taking care of my son and helping my husband out.
I wanted to go back to Hashem, the origin or the source and to remember. Drawing the picture of the 3 of us, I hoped to remember with my family, too. The picture is from Jan. 2013.
10.24
Same as above.
10.25
I sent Halloween card and a package to my husband and my son. The stamp has heather(shakunage) of Shiga prefecture.
10.26
Skype with my son. I showed a ducky from 300-yen shop. Torachan, also brought his Schmata ducky, saying bye-bye to each other. I'm glad I bought the ducky.
10.27
My mother bought a pair of gloves for drying the hair. I showed it to my students to ask if they were able to guess what it was. There were no correct answers.
10.28
On the way from Sakaguchi Clinic by bicycle, I stopped by Takoyaki place. Sandaime Takuchan is the name. 15 pieces 580 yen. It was the first time in a while to eat Takoyaki. The owner is from Iran. He speaks Japanese in Osaka dialect very fluently and he himself is very friendly. The takoyaki was very delicious especially because it was just made.
10.29
I looked at the word of Kobo Daishi. I got it at Todaiji Temple this July. I like it very much. I copied it on a piece of paper and attached on the wall above the desk.
10.30
I went to Sakaguchi Clinic for after surgery treatment. My cold got a little bit severe, so the doctor offered to do dripping. It's very first time, I think. I drew a cow. both cow and the dripping move slowly. The road for them is lit up and if you want, you'll see the power of light.
10.31
I found acorn at Katano Ten Shrine. There were hundreds of them on the ground inside the shrine.
11.1
When the time comes, I'll be very active. Also I'll surely appreciate this quiet fruitful moment when I look back on my past from the future. Then I'll be filled with total appreciation as well as being blissful. I'll say Thank you! The picture for today is "Juo Mujin." It means to take an active part in all direction endlessly, freely.
11.2
"Little Dancer of 14 Years Old"
When I went to a museum in Paris, I think it was at Orsay Museum, I saw this painting. I remember, I stared at the sculpture and bought the postcard, too. Now I found this in an art book featured Doga. At the same time today, I began to feel depressed at the fact that I am still living away from my husband and my son. So, I felt the strong urge to believe a saying, "Everything happens because it is meant to happen." Then drawing this picture made me calm down a little bit. She is slightly looking up, being excited for the future she has not encountered yet.
11.3
My birthday! I turned to 46 years old. My husband and my son live in the US. I live with my father, mother and brother. At Kuzuha mall, after walking around I bought a roll cake and sashimi. There were lots of people and the mall was animated because today was a holiday. I saw many families, too, which made me happy. How blessed Japan is! In the past, I used to feel loneliness seeing those happy people, but now the crowd heightens my feeling. This might be a kind of awakening. I drew children from a photography book called "Shining Eyes Children in the World."
11.4
"Rinpa" The aesthetics of the capital exhibition at National Kyoto Museum
I went there but way too many people waiting to enter. They even showed how long we had to wait; 60 minutes. So, I decided not to go. Just copied from its leaflet depicting the Thunder God.
11.5
I cleaned my room with a handy vacuum cleaner. I was thankful to this hard worker, so I drew him. "I vacuum stardusts, too. Then I will give them to you if you want."
11.6
I got an idea to do my own business; Kohava Ray on Etsy online shopping site. I want to sell my artworks. I wrote my self-introduction. It looked good. Magenta will be my theme color. (I like fuscia pink, blue and yellow, too)
11.7
I went to Starbucks to read "Surrealism and Hand." Reading for an hour and a half, it became one of my favorite books. Regarding the hand, I can always find fascination. This book depicts the stories related to the hand since ancient times. A great book to read. I can't stop reading and am never tired of it. So, I sketched my hand.
11.8
We had a torrential rain. I checked the word "rain." We call rain "Ame". "Ame" in different kanjis also means "candy" and "heaven." Here is "Heaven and Earth Words" from Heian period.
11.9
continued from Nov.4
11.10
same as above
11.11
When I drink, I have two choices of cups. I drew one of them. I feel good to copy the design of the object I use daily as a sign of appreciation.
11.12
Skyping with Toraji. He was doing his homework. He also made a short story with a character. I put an astronaut uniform to a turkey. National Turkey Association.
11.13-11.30,2015
11.13
I walked to Kuzuha Mall. Walking in the park on the way, it was filled with dead leaves. I inserted one of them in a book to draw it later. Small memory of this autumn.
11.14
We got to know they had a massive terrorist attack by a group called "Islamic State" on the 13th in Paris. I prayed for Paris. Behind the French flag, I put a chrysanthemum for mourning. It is also a flower for November as well as a crest for Japanese Imperial family. The word for the white flower is "nobility."
11.15
Flowers I see often on the way to Kuzuha Mall. At first, I thought it is camellia but it's sasanqua. You can tell from its form and the time they bloom.
11.16
The design of my blanket. "Hello Kitty" is watering flowers in the sky. She is an angel.
11.17
Kitty.
11.18
From a tree photograph. A sacred tree in Kadoma city of Keihan line.
11.19
Beaujolais Nouveau opens. In Gokurakuyu, one bathtub had wine.
11.20
I made a piece of art work using washi (Japanese paper) for the first time. So, today's picture has washi.
11.21
I went to a meeting organized by Ms. Liz Sally. There were 3 women. We confessed our worries and problems. We felt close to each other. It's called Kokan in Japanese. In different kanji but you keep same pronunciation, you get a word Kokan meaning halo. It is a circle of light shown around or above the head of a holy person. I thought it's appropriate for the day. I had a spiritual teaching.
11.22
Salamander
Toraji showed me a salamander he made by Lego blocks. I thought it's simple and beautiful. It's amazing that he has a wonderful creativity.
11.23
Thanksgiving Day. Even I've been complaining having quite amount of frustration, I appreciate everybody at the bottom of my heart.
11.24
Today is supposed to be my husband's real birthday. I was planning to sing Hatikva, which I did the next day.
11.25
A picture of Hosoka from a book of Japanese traditional design. Hosoka is an imaginary flower in the paradise.
11.26
In front of Gokurakuen, I picked up a leaf of gingko. I sketched it. I didn't know until now there were three kanjis for Icho.
11.27
Autumn, from a book of Noh.
11.28
My red cup.
11.29
From a leaflet, "The Walk." The movie is about a man who walked between Twin Towers in Manhattan. He set up the rope to walk on between the buildings.
11.30
A hair pin I bought at 300-yen shop. The snow flake design is beautiful even though it is painful to use it.
12.1-12.22,2015
12.1
Salute to my favorite watch.
12.2
Every Wednesday is Nabe Day. It is like a communal pot for the family. Always fun and delicious.
12.3
I picked this up because I heard it is an amulet to purify. Liz Sally-san probably told me about it once.
12.4
A sticker I bought at Flying Tiger. I wanted to stay "determined and refreshed" as much as possible. I was on the edge of a shady mood that day, but I tried to focus more on self-healing and self-restructuring than on a path directing myself toward disappointment.
12.5
Unfortunately, I am still holding onto the dark feeling since yesterday. (In other words, I have no hope, thinking that my husband and son can do well without me. As a result, I can't stop sending complaining anger e-mails to my husband and to his friend who takes care of my son. At the same time, I try to think I've been protected, and that everything happens for a reason…and is meant to happen. I should never be afraid of anything. So, this day I put all the names of spiritual guides whom I have been listening in respect, appreciation and admiration. I also feel I'll meet a new guide in the future.
12.6
Tommy and Aron are in my heart. I cherish them preciously, but I shouldn't confine them into a corner. Ideally, I let their love go outward. I am here to release my loved ones to move freely and to actualize themselves at their highest ability.
12.7
I love color pencils. Here is a color competition.
12.8
From time to time, I put wisdom on my skype page. I hope World Talk students read them for they are supporting me and my outlook on life enormously.
12.9
I went to see a movie titled: "Chiune Sugihara." I ran 2.5 hours and is a true story. My husband's great-grandmother immigrated from Lithuania in 1907 from the place where Chiune was working as Japanese Consul 30 years later. It was a tearful story of kindness and humanity in the face of great evil. My husband remembered his great-grandmother talking about her town and the bad things that went on there during the war. I sang Hatikvah, too. The ticket was only 1000 yen for Lady's Day. Big screen and big sound, it's good to come to see movies sometimes. I want to see this one again with my husband.
12.10
I feel my vibrational frequency is rising. I am somehow exceptionally attracted to flowers now. I always thought flowers are beautiful, but I've never thought to decorate the room with them. Recently, I want to do it. If it's possible, I want to buy them once a week and sketch them. It must be a good thing if students can see flowers behind me while I teach English online.
12.11
Sticker Day. Japanese beauty.
12.12
I took a self-portrait photo as part of the application for my number card. I look young compared to the last time I did this in February. My hair looks short since I tied it up.
12.13
I copied Torachan from a photo of his birthday party taken by one of his friends. Behind him is an artificial rock-climbing wall.
12.14
Daddy! I always want to draw Tommy next to Tora.
12.15
Yes! A favorite hairpin. I got it at the 300-yen shop. Even better, it is “Chica Brand” as sold at Kuzuha Mall.
12.16
I bought this flower bouquet at Nakagawa market. Yellow is good. I drew my birth-month flower, the chrysanthemum, more carefully than usual.
12.17, 18
I read, "The Last Shogun" by Ryotaro Shiba. It took 3 hours for the 2 days I needed to finish this book. I was attracted to the many detailed descriptions of the past world. Here is one of them.
12.19
On the way home from Yamanashi station on the Keihan Line, two boys were singing pieces from Spitz, a musical group in Japan. I was moved by the words. They matched what Sally san told me; my husband and I were together in the past, will be in the next life and after and after. I felt I could be stronger to listen to this song. "I love you". I want to see you again here someday.
12.20
Public Bath. Observing a word, "YU" in Kanji, I noticed that there is another kanji symbol within it signifying "Sun". I wonder at the ancient written relationship between "water and sun". What is the origin?
12.21
I have a cute tiger key-holder. The tiger is cute, but he is not smiling. I still think it's charming. It’s as if he is not lowering himself to be charming in front of strangers.
12.22
Winter Solstice Day. Yuzu bath. In China and in Japan, we believe it is the day when the sun reduces its power most. But from the next day it regains that power. There is a phrase for this: "The Sun Comes Back." They say our luck also improves with the strength of the sun.
12.23-12.31,2015
12.23
For the end of a year gift, my sisters-in-law family sent us a Musk Melon. It was so delicious that I had no words to describe it. Staring at it, I found the surface like an enlarged map. How interesting! A beautiful yellow-green city.
12.24
I thought if I was in the US, I’d go to Anglican Church in Norwalk with Tommy and Aron, it seems to have become a tradition with them, perhaps a way to touch the origins of English America. So, I copied a portrait of Henry VIII from the Internet. When I showed it to them, they immediately recognized who he was. I still need to add a pendant. The design of his shirt was difficult to copy, so I took the design from Japanese traditional design book. Arabesque.
12.25
Tommy showed me flint-stone which he had discovered in China at a place once occupied by our human ancestors, the Homo erectus people. It was used perhaps half a million years ago by some person. So, I looked for a similar image on the Internet and copied it.
12.26
Total darkness and disappointment. I can’t spend time with my husband and my son. Anger, sadness, and jealously came fully. I complained to my husband. My heart was about to be broken. I got frustration and disappointment because I failed to calm down and organize my mind - even though I had promised to do so. Still, I wanted to have one ray of hope under this total darkness. I wrote “Before Dawn” in the blank space of the blackness.
12.27
It’s Saturday. I am happily exhausted to teach in the morning and in the afternoon. This is my job. I use a practice method called pattern practice to almost all my students. So, today’s picture is in the form of the pattern practice. The first 5 sentences are exact copies of the text book. From the 6th, I used the same form, but the content is different. It’s about my family.
12.28
I went to Katano Shrine to join a purifying ceremony at the end of a year. Before the ceremony, I handled a paper human figure on which I wrote names and ages. Doing evil, illegal things are not the only bad things. Telling lies, being angry, and jealous are also supposed to be the things you shouldn’t do. So, this ceremony makes you get rid of the accumulated spiritual dust. After I wrote names and ages, I blew and touched once with my hand to pass it to a priest at the Shrine. My tears ran down. So, this day, I drew the figure. I put also fire behind it to burn the dusts. I feel calm down to write sentences with polite words. I wonder why.
12.29
I went to Tsutaya to borrow DVDs. I decided to watch DVDs as many as possible while I can enjoy Japanese subtitles. 5 DVD cost 1000 yen. This day’s picture is the sunlight reflection on a DVD in the afternoon. Rainbow color spectrum. I copied it except red-dark blue.
12.30
This day’s picture is butterflies. There are 2 reasons. One is that the butterfly symbolizes the lighter mind. I feel I can fly more freely thanks to spiritual teachings from many different guides. This butterfly might be able to reach Akashic Record. Another reason is from a book called Kocho no Mai. It means a dance of butterfly. It was written by Ryotaro Shiba. It’s the second book by the same author. I really enjoyed both.
12.31
Finally, the end of a year!! I like my clock and I am feeling affectionate to her. So, I drew her with an appreciation. The arms points to the midnight which separates 2016 from 2015!